THE CHEAP-ARSE FILM REVIEW- AN INTRODUCTION

You know how Evil Dead 2 is both a sequel to and a remake of the first movie?

 

That’s sort of what this is.

To explain- when I first started doing what it is I do, I didn’t want to go into it cold and just let people figure out what I was doing and why I was doing it, I wanted to let them know in a manner that I hoped would be entertaining and make them want to come back when I started up properly. So the first thing I posted up on my blog was a mission statement that I like to think achieved both those goals, because most of the people who read my stuff seem to get what I’m going for with it. So when I was approached by the fine people of this website about putting some of my stuff on here, I first thought it’d be cool to just post up my original mission statement to introduce myself.

But then I started thinking about it, and that just didn’t seem… right. I mean, posting up old reviews is one thing, but not bothering to go out of your way to say hello to, hopefully, alot of new readers, just seemed, I don’t know… a bit rude. So I decided that the first thing you’d get to read from me would be something written especially for you, or at the very least, a reworking of something I’ve done once already.

So, with that said, please allow me to reintroduce myself for the first time.

I’m The Cheap-Arse Film Critic. That’s not my real name obviously, nobody’s parents coule be that cruel, but for the purposes of what I’m doing here, that’s what I go by. And as the handle has probably tipped you off to, I review movies. I’d actually wanted to do something like this for a while, but I didn’t want to be one of those guys who appears out of nowhere and acts like the world should revere is opinion on that weeks releases. There are enough of those guys around already, I’m sure we can all agree. Just type “movie review blog” into Google and you’ll be swarmed by thousands of them, all begging you for attention and asking if you’ll be their mother. I was looking for a different kind of hook, something that would set me apart from the other. And, without wanting to sound too flippant, I found it in the recent economic downward spiral we’ve all found ourselves in. Money, and more specifically a lack of it, is one of the few things that bonds us all regardless of where we’re from. I’m from England, and believe me, it’s no easier for us than it is for you wherever you are (with the exception of if you’re reading this in a Third World country, obviously). I said this in the original mission statement I wrote, but I consider myself a fairly standard Pop-Culture Super-Nerd, and just like everyone else, I suddenly find the lack of money in my pocket affecting the way I live this lifestyle. Also like everyone else, I find myself reluctant to let go of the life I live, so rather than change my habits, I decided it would be a fun experiment to try adapting them to the climate.

And so was born “The Cheap-Arse Film Review.”

I have three basic rules when picking up a movie to review- 1) It has to be a DVD. If I was going to go back to watching VHS, I could pretty much pick up anything I wanted dirt cheap, which would render the who thing pretty much meaningless. The idea is to see what’s out there without having to take a step back in terms of technology. 2) I can’t have seen the movie before. And 3) all the movies I buy can cost no more that one English Pound. And I’ve been very strict with these rules. I haven’t broken one or three in any way, and I’ve only broken two if you consider having watched five minutes of a film on a plane before falling asleep for the entire filght as having seen it before. I’ve been strict to the point where it’s almost ruined things I had planned, such as the series of Christmas movies I did in December. You have no idea what a nightmare that was, though I suppose it as a nightmare of my own creation, since I comitted to reviewing four movies when I’d only managed to pick up three when I started. But these are stories to be told within the context of the reviews, really.

The plan as stands right now is for a new/old review to be put up here every two weeks, whilst I’m also putting up new reviews up on my blog weekly. How long things remain that way are down to alot of things, and it would also be rude of me to assume I’d have much of a say in them changing. There’s one review I won’t be posting though, of a little independent British movie called We’ve Got The Toaster. There’s nothing wrong with the film, I liked it alot, and I’ve been told by two people that they picked it up based on me recommendation, but I’m not particularly fond of it. It was written before I’d stumbled upon my style, and as such doesn’t really fit in with what came after it, and as such is a wouldn’t be an honest representation of what I do. If you want to read, you can find it here.

Before I go, I’d like to address one last thing. I wrote before that most people get what I’m trying to do with this experiment, and I wasn’t lying. However, every now and again I get a message from someone saying how they like people who review “bad” things like I do, and tear into them. Now, I’m not going to lie… quite alot of the movies I watch are shit. That’s just the nature of the beast. But the thing is, I don’t go in expecting them to be shit. Well… sometime I do, but I’m willing to be wrong, and have been quite a few times. I don’t want people to think I’m one of those guys who seemingly hates the medium he’s covering. I love movies. I love talking about them. Dear God do I love talking about them. Wait until you see one of these things. I write essays. Nobody would spend as much time talking about movies I do if they fundamentally hated them. That’s one thing I hope everyone takes away from my stuff, real positivity. Even when I hate a film so much I’m proclaiming those responsible for making it insane and evil.

So, there we are. The last time I did this I didn’t really have an ending im mind and it just sort of pottered out. I don’t see and reason to change that, do you?

See you soon,

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic