REEL TRUTH with Serena Whitney
The Curse of the Mr. N.I.C.E. Guy
I laid there still in the darkness praying It didn’t sense I was awake. Struggling for air, I had managed to relief myself from my claustrophobic situation by taking in a very brief deep breath. After the momentary relief had passed, I knew had to muster up the courage to finally free myself from its grasp. Slowly, I shifted myself further and further from its dormant body as I silently pleaded to the Gods to not disturb It from its slumber. As soon as I escaped its tight kung-fu grip, I let out a sigh of relief for my newfound freedom. The moment proved to be fleeting as it wrapped its hairy legs around me and whispered in my ear, “I can spend forever laying here with you.” Although you may think that I was taken hostage by a violent Yeti, it was in fact something far worse and far more terrifying I was dealing with: a needy Mr. Nice Guy. Or as I like to call them, a No Intense Connection Ever Guy.
By the time a single woman is in her mid-to-late twenties, she has probably had a lot of years wasted on her inevitable “bad boy” phase in her life with only bed sheets cloaked in the scent of Acqua di Gio cologne and mass amounts of empty wine bottles from countless nights of discussing with her girlfriends about how much of an as*hole her jerk boyfriend is to show for it. However, there come a time when a woman will crave for some stability in her love life and that is when the “Mr. Nice Guy” will suddenly show up and appear to be the man she has always wished for…or so that’s what it seems.
Onscreen, nice guys are usually every woman’s dream come true. They are humble even though they rock six-pack abs and award-winning smiles, they are physically strong even though they are sensitive and they most likely can do no wrong. This glamorization of the archetypal “Mr. Nice Guy” unfortunately makes women crave for a man like this in real-life and gives men the deluded reassurance that they can somehow relate to these fictional roles like women who constantly relate themselves to the Sex and the City characters.
Yet, just like a seemingly safe prescription drug, women quickly find out the side effects of dating a Mr. Nice Guy may include nauseating texts, verbal diarrhea, infidelity itch, dry genitals, “snorgasms” and heart ache. It’s enough to make a woman yearn for the days when she would take on the impossible task of desperately trying to get her sleazy f*ck buddy into a relationship with her. (Not like I’m speaking from personal experience, of course.)
So why am I ripping on these supposedly sweet men you may be wondering? It all stemmed from one night at a pub with my ultimate “bad boy” ex-boyfriend. (Every woman’s got one.) When the topic of nice guys vs. bad boys came up, he took a hard triple shot of Irish whiskey and turned to me and said, “Serena, nice guys are just as bad for women as bad boys are. They prey on vulnerable women by acting as empathetic shoulders to cry on, guilt-trip them through their passive-aggressive behaviour and they put down other men to make themselves look better. So call me a wolf, at least I’m not wearing sheep’s clothing.” (I’m paraphrasing this of course as there were many drunken hiccups and colourful adjectives I decided to leave out.)
Despite the fact right after that conversation my ex decided to fight a young man pointing a laser pointer at a dart board, I couldn’t deny his moment of clarity about relationships in his drunken stupor. I realized right there that nice guys are not as “nice” as they appear to be in films and on television. Nice guys are not as suave as Boris Kodjoe in Brown Sugar, as caring as Jacob in New Moon and as perfect as John Corbett in well…anything. Rather in most cases, nice guys are jaded from constant rejection, insecure and needy. However, movies unfortunately do not focus on these negative traits for Jason Biggs would still have a blooming film career if they did.
It is important to know that ‘nice’ doesn’t always mean ‘good.’ A man doesn’t have to treat a woman like a princess or a piece of animal excrement to get her attention. All he has to do is have confidence in himself, behave like a challenge and avoid being compared to the character Aidan Shaw at all times in order to avoid from being put into the “Nice” category. If not, he will never stop hearing “You’re a really nice guy, but…” and Alice Cooper’s No More Mr. Nice Guy will become a personal mantra rather than just being an outdated song and nobody should EVER have to endure that. 
Another great right up Serena! Hit the nail on the head now lets snuggle!
Nah, I disagree, but not entirely. There are bad boys, nice guys, and the in-betweens. It sounds to me that the author is just bitter. I can’t really look at this article and say, “yes! that is so true!” Because it is only true for the small minority of males that the author is describing. Not all nice guys are what seems to be described in this article. All I get from this article is bitterness and scorn. Get over it lady, and move on with your life. Everybody meets somebody, someday. Use some common sense and quit dwelling on the fact that you can’t meet the right person. We’ve all been hurt, but life goes on, so why dwell on the anger.
jim renyolds Reply:
March 21st, 2010 at 1:43 am
Talk about a Man hater, if you can not stand both sides, maybe you should pitch for the other team, sounds like you just hate good and bad guys because you have been done in by both, maybe your ugly or one of those fugly chicks everyone likes to sleep with but no ones calls back the next day, grow up and stop judging others before you take a look in the mirror. I not stopped romanced my wife since our first date, i keep doing corny things every other day and maybe i showed to much affection but isn’t that what every girl wants on a cold miserable day, my wife did that’s why we have been married for 11 years now, 3 kids and she love that i still go all out for year in everyday you could this of, just like when we first went out, we still smile when we see each other and the glow in her eyes has never gone away, so my advice stop going out with guys ” that are not that into you ” ps they made a good movie about that you should watch it and give the kind, nice and maybe overly affectionate good guy a chances, trust me you wont regret it, you just have to stop acting like all those shallow bad guys you so hate !
John Campea Reply:
March 21st, 2010 at 11:02 pm
I always get a special kick out of internet morons who decide to flame someone, and then exhibit their own basic ignorance by not even doing it with proper spelling or grammar. Yeah, you’re the one to put people in their place.
“I not stopped romanced my wife since our first date”
Seriously, did you ever get out of 4th grade?
Serena Reply:
March 22nd, 2010 at 8:08 am
Wow…a blast from the past!
Thanks John for backing me up.
Serena Reply:
March 22nd, 2010 at 8:07 am
Jim,
You just proved with your inappropriate and grammatical incorrect comments that you are not a nice guy. If you are trully married with three kids like you said you were, you wouldn’t find the time to tell a total stranger that they’re a “fugly bitch.”
Serena Reply:
March 22nd, 2010 at 8:12 am
I’m not bitter. Why is it that when I talk about “manwhores” and the negative qualities of bad boys, I never receive comments like this? I’m actually in a good relationship right now, because I found someone who is a good guy. I’m not bitter, I’m just speaking from experienc. Being too nice or too mean is never good in a relationship. There needs to be a balance.
Clearly there seems to be only one archetype of Nice Guy that you find… get out and explore a little more. Don’t generalize us, and we have every right to be bitter from all the rejection and “friend” boxes we’re put in.
Jim’s comment was deleted because Killer Film doesn’t need morons that use foul language for no reason, and on top of that use it badly.
“Clearly there seems to be only one archetype of Nice Guy that you find”
I hate to break it to you buddy, but men are all the same, even if they posture awkwardly with a fedora in a misguided, externalized effort to be different. They’re all entitled and ignorant enough to blab out their blanket defences and opinions with little discernment beyond their own solipsistic ideologue. It’s all fine and well when women are categorized and broken down to their most basic attributes and rated, but the second that the fragile male ego is questioned and reduced to its amusing simplicity men get up in arms. Our entire culture is structured around male needs; isn’t this enough for you?
Serena,
I love reading your articles. In my opinion, I believe that men who are too nice and those that are too bad are not what most women want. I think most women want a balance between “good” and “bad”.
I think this particular line in your article states it best: “All he has to do is have confidence in himself, behave like a challenge and avoid being compared to the character Aidan Shaw at all times in order to avoid from being put into the “Nice” category.”
Thank you for sharing your point of view on this topic. Keep them coming.
Juan:
Wow that’s awesome! im glad u know how to use a thesaurus.
And no, men are not all the same. We are created equal, but walk different roads with different ideals. No, we’re not the same.
This young lady is what MAYBE 23-24 TOPS!..yet she’s putting it ALL out there for you all to bash her, so her message is lost on many but there WILL be a few,I hope more than a few,that will maybe be a little more careful with the guys they pick and liken themselves to! As a Niceguy(or Like to think of myself as Niceperson!)you are who you are and hope people know that your NOT trying to “put “it over on them..so to speak,but the world(America!) is a VERY untrusting place..It’s weird that a nice guy can survive 2 trips to Iraq by being just that A nice guy,trusting that the people of Iraq to do the right thing and to trust him to protect them, but if I was a jerk,over there, I’d be dead so it DOES pay to be a nice guy..Keep up the GREAT work Serena..K
Garin Sparks Reply:
March 23rd, 2010 at 6:11 pm
That page cut me off! I was just gonna say..Keep writing I’ll keep reading..No Matter if I’m filming OR fighting! Best to ya…Garin
Serena always lays it down on the table, exposed for all to see, along with her movie knowledge! That’s why we love her!