Jon Peters’ Worst of 2008 List
When you see as many movies as I have in a year, you’ll run up against some films that are bad. The term bad when describing a movie is subjective, that’s for sure, but in this list, you’ll find films that aren’t worth renting, let alone seeing. I hope you’ll take this list and use it to avoid these movies from ever darkening your TV or wallet. Do not rent, see on HBO, or Netflix these. You’ll be better off and while all of these films are the worst of 2008, I ranked them alphabetically because it’s silly to rank them any other way. They’re all bad. Enjoy!
10, 000 B.C.: Logically dumb, silly, and laughable, it’ll make a fine “so bad, it’s good” midnight movie for our kids, but as for us, avoid this cheesy caveman epic.
Babylon A.D.: Poor Vin Diesel. He was promised the action film star roles and for some reason is in crap as of late. This attempt is admirable but really messy. A hog posh of different, better sci-fi films ideas, I didn’t know what was going on and apparently neither did the director or Vin.
Bangkok Dangerous: You expect Nic Cage to give us good movies anymore? Silly hairdo not withstanding, this film is boring and dumb, easily making it to this list. Asian directors should be better off staying away from Hollywood. Unstylish and campy.
Be Kind Rewind: A vastly disappointing effort from Michel Gondry. It had a great idea, but it’s not very funny, the sentimentality is forced on us, and it is really forgettable. Go call Charlie Kaufman, Gondry, before you ruin your promising career.
The Day the Earth Stood Still: The Earth barely batted an eye, let alone stood still at this weak remake. Loud, stupid and unable to have the balls needed for its concept, stick with the original.
Deception: A waste of a good cast. Jackman and McGregor should all know better. I was hooked for a little bit but it all unraveled into a bad thriller that I almost forgot about until I did this list.
The Eye: Jessica Alba plays a blind woman. I thought this was a horror film, I couldn’t stop laughing. Stay away from this snoozer.
Happening: Zooey Deschanel will be excused here. This film is about a killer grass. The death of M. Night’s career.
Love Guru: I never use the word “sucks” when it comes to reviewing a movie, but this one sucked all laughter out of me for days. I was scarred that I might not laugh again. Luckily, 2008 was a great year for comedies. This is my candidate for WORST FILM of 2008, bar none.
Punisher: War Zone: Why can’t they make a good Punisher movie? Maybe if they didn’t treat the film like a Saw movie and didn’t have Punisher killing people like Jason Voorhees e would’ve had a chance. Marvel, get a hold of all your franchises, these people treated it as if we never seen a comic book movie before.
Righteous Kill: There was a Mad TV skit in which they made fun of this film calling it “Phone it In” as a reference to De Niro’s and Pacino’s acting here. Mostly true, but they chose this script to work together.
Speed Racer: A kid’s film like this one does not need to be 2 hours long! Ever. Extremely surface level using an orgy of colors and CG and nobody cared. Why torture yourself with this film when you could have more fun putting your foot into a bear trap?
Star Wars: Clone Wars: I guess the TV series that this was to kick off is pretty good; too bad this was so bad I could care less about seeing it. A transsexual Hutt character, are you kidding me? Horrendous dialogue. Stinky.
MOST DISAPPOINTING FILM of 2008:
X-Files-I Want to Believe: I had hoped that at best, this was going to be a decent sci-fi yarn. I was actually pretty stoked about seeing it, so much so I attended the midnight screening. The film is no better than a weak, mid-season episode. It featured a lame excuse to resurrect the characters and franchise. We wanted aliens and we got a Russian Frankenstein. Easily one of the year’s biggest letdowns, a close second was Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
VERY CLOSE TO MAKING THE LIST:
American Teen: High school drama caught on tape. It reeked of staging, and a documentary featuring people that didn’t need documenting.
Mirrors: Horror was pretty bad this year, and Aja should’ve known better. A riff of J-Horror and his own brand of gore, all of which amounted to silliness.
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist: I was hoping that this would’ve been a quirky, new Juno but it was tedious, sloppy, and boring.
Fear not, soon I’ll post my Best of 2008 lists. I’m sure there are more stinkers, unfortunately out of all that I saw I cannot say a film is bad unless seen. It’s only fair. Missed anything? Then post your worst films below in our comments section!
