A World Without Jason Voorhees

With the upcoming releases of the extended DVD versions of Friday the 13^th: The Final Chapter, Friday the 13^th: A New Beginning, Friday the 13^th Part VI: Jason Lives and the 2009 “re-envisioning” Friday the 13^th, (*also let’s not forget the Blu-ray releases of Part 2 and 3 in 3-D) it got me thinking as to how significant Jason Voorhees is to popular culture today.  Before Jason was stalking future soap stars on a boat trip in Manhattan and before he eventually become a walking punch line after orbiting Space, Jason was known for being a malevolent killer whose sole purpose was to avenge the death of his demented mother. (Originally played by Betsy Palmer.)  Although over the past few years, his character may have been reduced to cheesy and shiny physical makeovers and got forced into the greedy clutches of Michael Bay, one can not deny the impact the character of Jason Voorhees has had on society since we first laid eyes on him drowning in Camp Crystal Lake under the “so-called” supervision of two horny teenagers. 

Like It’s a Wonderful Life’s George Bailey, a world without Jason Voorhees would definitely impact the world and here are some examples as to how it would:

KEVIN BACON MAY NEVER HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED

Like Johnny Depp’s appearance in A Nightmare on Elm Street, Kevin Bacon’s rise to fame all started with his onscreen antics as playing a generic teenager who gets an arrow through his throat in the 1980’s original Friday the 13^th.  What if he was never chosen in the role? Footloose would have never been the same. 

DETROIT RED WINGS WOULD NEVER BE SO POPULAR

Okay…so I’m not the biggest hockey fan out there, but I know that once Jason donned the iconic 1950’s Detroit Red Wing goalie mask in Friday the 13^th Part 3 there was a new found respect for the popular hockey team. As I’m sure there was the same mutual respect for William Shatner after Halloween. 

ROMAN NUMERALS WOULD NOT BE AS PREVALENT IN THE HORROR GENRE

Let’s face it…we all learned how to read roman numerals after the many Friday the 13^th sequels were released.  Without the roman numerals attached to each “Part,” we may not have Howling V, The Curse III and Phantasm IV. (Now come to think of it…that might have been a good thing.)

CAMPING TRIPS WOULD NOT BE THE SAME TODAY

Besides setting up your tents and building a campfire, the number one thing to do when entering a campsite is for someone to annoyingly imitate Harry Manfredini’s iconic “Ki-ki-ki-ma-ma-ma” score heard in every Friday the 13^th film. Also, skinny dipping, smoking pot and having pre-martial sex in a tent would seem as rousing as they do without the subconscious fear that a man with a huge machete is watching everything you’re doing.  (Or is that just me?)

THE HILARITY OF WATCHING COREY FELDMAN “KILL” JASON

When putting on Friday the 13^th: The Final Chapter, it’s always a surprise to see a bald Corey Feldman play the unlikely protagonist in the film. (It’s also startling to see Crispin Glover but that’s beside the point.)  Yes, before Corey became known for battling vampires and demonic toys, he had played the young Tommy Jarvis who would later be recast and fight Jason in two more installments. (Well…sort of two if you count Tommy hallucinations in Part V) I will not be surprised to see Feldman pimping himself out in the upcoming sequel. (I just hope it’s not as bad as Feldman’s last appearance in a horror sequel.)

CASEY BECKER’S BOYFRIEND COULD HAVE LIVED

In Scream, before being gutted and hung on a tree, Casey Becker foolishly got the wrong answer when asked who was the original killer in Friday the 13^th by Mr. Ghostface.  Horror fiends worldwide knew it was Jason’s mother and were screaming at their television sets like they were watching a game of Jeopardy!   Unfortunately the wrong answer led to the death of her boyfriend right in front of her eyes.  Although the killer probably would have killed them anywise.

FREDDY WOULD NOT HAVE A WORTHY ADVERSARY 

Could you imagine Freddy battling Michael Myers? (Too boring) Could you imagine him battling Pinhead? (Too talky!)  It was only Jason that proved to be the “Yin” to Freddy’s “Yang” and fanboys and girls waited over ten long years just to see them fight onscreen in a very rushed and inferior horror film. 

WILLA FORD WOULD PROBABLY BE STARRING IN PORN

After the “I wanna be bad” pop singer disappeared into obscurity after her one “semi-hit” wonder, I was surprised to see her showing her breasts in the 2009 re-imagining.  I was thinking she would have been showing her breasts of redtube by now. 

WE WOULD NEVER LOOK FORWARD to “FRIDAY the 13^th”

Although Friday the 13^th is an unlucky day for some, it’s also a day that gives horror fans everywhere an excuse to hold Friday the 13^th marathons. It’s genius really when you think about how most of the films don’t even mention the day. 

The truth is that without Jason Voorhees, slasher films would not be the same today.  Movies like Sleepaway Camp and Hatchet would not have surfaced without the world’s most killer mama’s boy.  He is one of horror’s greatest villains and definitely deserves to be credited as one on Killerfilm.com. 

Enjoy watching Judie Aronson’s hypothermic skinny dip, Friday’s the 13^th attempt at “avant-garde,” and seeing Jason turn into a “Rambo-killing” machine this week and comment below!