The Back Up Plan – Review

J.Lo is back after a long departure from the silver screen with yet another formulaic romantic comedy under her belt.  However, this time round she trades in her wedding planner blackberry and maid attire for a baby bump and a handicapped dog in The Back up Plan as she plays Zoe, a beautiful and surprisingly single woman who happens to get artificially inseminated the same day she meets her Mr. Right. (Played by newcomer Alex  O’Loughlin)  Laughs, heartfelt moments and memorable acting should ensue…but unfortunately doesn’t.

The Back up Plan starts off promising in its opening scene with Lopez’s character being far too concerned with her chipped nail polish on her toes rather than focusing on the tool inserting her with sperm in a clever voiceover. Unfortunately, the film starts inducing cringes mere seconds after Zoe meets Stan during a heated argument over a cab and then so eloquently calls him a ‘stupidhead.’ It is in that exact moment audience members will feel like Lopez has broken the fourth wall and has insulted them personally instead as viewers will feel like huge ‘stupidheads’ for having to endure the rest of the overly-predictable rom com.

Surprisingly enough, not all the cringe-worthy moments in this The Sweetest Thing meets Knocked Up story involved sappy musical montages or ‘kissing in the rain’ sequences.  Some of the moments were unexpectedly revolting as viewers are witness to exploitative scenes involving dog puke, bowel movements, bloody gynaecological exams and a hilarious yet unflattering ‘blink or you’ll miss’ moment with Lopez standing in front of a mirror with just a nude thong on.  Although these inappropriate scenes put a smile on this reviewer’s face, regrettably they do not save the film from being as dull and lifeless as Helena Bonham Carter’s hair for these moments were far and few in between and felt more suitable in a Farrelly Brothers movie rather than in a film aimed for women who watch Ghost Whisperer every Friday night.

The film also relies heavily on Lopez’s “generic sitcom-like” comedic antics and ignored any plot and character development in Kate Angelo’s script that involved any characters who seemed funnier than she was.  The only character that seems to get as much screen time as Zoe was her love interest, Stan.  Viewers may find it refreshing that Alex O’Loughlin didn’t portray Stan as the typical “John Corbett” archetype seen in most romantic comedies. He is quite smug, sarcastic and curses like a sailor at times.  (The delusion of Zoe thinking he is the man of her dreams was quite amusing and realistic if you ask me.) However, his qualities make it far less plausible to believe a man like this would actually even consider for a mere second of committing to a pregnant woman he just met.  (Come on, the sex couldn’t be THAT good.)

Just like Jennifer Lopez’s performance of her bomb “Louboutins” at the American Music Awards last year, The Back Up Plan falls flat on its ass with its generic plot and lengthy scenes that will make most viewers feel like they spent nine months in their seats.

Here’s hoping Lopez will return to her “Karen Cisco” days in the near future, rather than concentrating her energy on replaying the same high-pitched and white-washed woman who makes self-deprecating jokes about her big ass any chance she gets.

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