Horsemen – DVD Review
The Film:
Platinum Dunes was created in 2001 by Michael Bay and has specialized in horror fare, specifically remakes. Aside from the redux of The Amityville Horror, I have found their catalog to be flashy, empty gorefests lacking any of the suspense or passion that personified the originals. I am by no means a hater of remakes; The Fly, The Thing, My Bloody Valentine and The Hills Have Eyes are all examples of how to incorporate the modern zeitgeist without losing any of the flavor of the original source. Maybe feeling a bit of heat from the horror community, two original projects were put into production, David Goyer’s supernatural spookfest The Unborn and Horsemen. You can add another helping of dung to their ever growing list of cinematic steampiles because this one is right down in the gutter with that atrocious Friday the 13th. These guys really need to do some homework on how to create a quality genre picture.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a term used to describe four horsemen that appear in the Christian Bible in chapter six of the Book of Revelation. The verses traditionally describe the four horsemen as Conquest, War, Famine and Death.
Dennis Quaid sleepwalks through his role as widowed detective Aidan Breslin, who is preoccupied with his job more than his family life. One day he is called to the open woods where a serving tray full of freshly pulled teeth are awaiting him and the words “Come and See” painted on four trees. He and his partner Stingray (Clifton Collins Jr), who sports a mean 80’s porn star mustache, stumble from one wannabe Saw-style crime scene to the next looking for clues to who could be committing these heinous crimes. They get a break when one of the whack jobs (the luscious Ziyi Zhang) confesses to killing her mom because she was being molested by her adopted dad. This clue leads to a homosexual teen who is constantly put down by his older brother because of his sexuality. He takes care of him by strapping him up by hooks and prying open his eyes so he has no choice but to watch his little brother commit suicide. These people are brought together by a website where if you who feel like you are nothing, and have no voice, there is a place where you can rally to have yourself heard. The ringleader has been to Sunday School a few times and is using the almighty Bible as a reference point for exacting revenge on those who have mistreated them. After spending the entire movie doing his best Barney Fife impersonation, Breslin puts the pieces together and realizes the truth is closer than he could of ever imagined.
The DVD:
Audio/Video: The sound was average, this was not a soundtrack driven film. Aside from the grainy daytime snow scenes the picture quality was standard for a DVD release.
Audio Commentary: Director Jonas Akerlund and DP Eric Broms spend most of the time casually talking about the production and there are way too many periods of silence. They do give some insight to a amusing fact in the film. It is revealed that actor Clifton Collins Jr. had to wear a wig and fake facial hair because his previous project had him go Mr. Clean.
Deleted Scenes: Most of them are talky and don’t push the narrative forward. The filmmakers were wise to get rid of them.
Trailers: My Bloody Valentine 3-D, The Haunting in Connecticut, Five Fingers, Saw V and The Burrowers.
Conclusion: The biggest gripe I had with Horsemen where the glaring plot holes that were so large you could drive a semi through them. One teenager character in the movie has no problem making surgical puncture wounds in a victim like he graduated from the Doogie Howser school of medicine. There is no backstory whatsoever giving credence to his abilities. The police miss a bound and gagged woman still alive in a closet adjacent to a crime scene and the explanation given is sloppy police work! And how do you lift yourself twenty feet in the air from a suspension device all by your little self? I understand movies are supposed to not be taken too serious but a little brains goes a long way when it comes to captivating an audience. These glaring errors took me right out of this poor man’s version of Se7en. One check mark in the positive department is Ziyi Zhang, who looks so sweet and innocent at first, then gradually shows how damaged her psyche really is. Casting directors looking to remake Audition look no further than this talented actress.
The Film: Rating: 
The DVD: Rating:
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