Babies – Review

Before the movie, my teenage daughter warned me that if I did not like Babies, she would call me “the Grinch.” I wonder if Jim Carey has an extra green suit for me.

The film follows babies, from Namibia to Mongolia, and from Tokyo to San Francisco. Growing from newborns to toddlers, they run the gambit with all the amazing things babies do: clapping, crying, babbling, kissing, peeing (it’s a boy!), burping, reading, and pooping. The two from underdeveloped countries were my favorites because of the light they shed on the countless fears Americans have about safety. Crawl around naked in the dirt? Sure thing. Drink water from a shallow stream? Go for it. Lick a dog’s tongue? Why not? Shave the baby’s head with a carving knife? Great idea. Chew on a dusty bone or make a pacifier from pork fat and a toothpick? Ingenious! After giving birth, the fledgling mama in Mongolia climbs on the back of a chopper with her infant (no mandatory baby-seat there). One warning for guys: Nursing in Namibia is right out of your grandma’s dusty National Geographic, and probably scarred me from viewing breasts in a sexual way again.

Think about it: For those who saw the trailer, how could this film not disappoint? The trailer itself should win a prize, for featuring two African babies in a slap-down, showcasing sibling rivalry par excellence? In retrospect, this could have been a wonderful short film. But anybody’s baby (except your own, thankfully) grows tiresome after more than an hour. At 78 minutes this film, alternating between America’s Funniest Videos and your sister’s home movies, reeked like a dumpy diaper.

Rating:

Steve Brock

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