Kevin Woods reviews “RAMBO”

I’ve just finished watching RAMBO. My two word review: fucking amazing!

But you’re not here for a two word review, are ya? You want me to elaborate. Well, okay, but seriously….those two words sum it up best. Fucking Amazing.

I was really impressed when Sylvester Stallone returned to his Rocky Balboa character. Some wondered if he still had it. “Rocky Balboa” proved that he did. As a writer, director, and actor for that film Stallone showed all the naysayers that he was still good for a few more rounds in the ring. With “Rambo” he shows that he’s definitely good for a few more rounds in the chamber. Yep, with the return of his two most iconic characters Stallone has given his fans what they waited so long to see, and with the return of “Rambo” he did more than just delivered: he kicked the door down and slapped our asses silly. “Rambo” should be the template for every action movie from here on out. It’s that damn good.

The movie begins with some truly shocking images of the genocide going on in war-torn Burma. It’s only a taste of the carnage that is to follow. John Rambo has been living in Thailand, a recluse who works his own boat on the rivers. When a group of Christian aid workers hire him to carry them to the war ravaged countryside, at first Rambo passes, warning them of the atrocities that take place there. The missionaries are persistant and Rambo finally relents, thanks to Sarah (Julie Benz), a compassionate (and hot) member of the group who’s impassioned pleas finally break the old soldier down. Rambo carries the missionaries upriver but they soon encounter trouble with some of the river dog militia. Rambo has to spring into action and dispose of these scoundrals in a very violent fashion. He finally makes the drop off point and the missionaries depart. Within the day they are in deep doo-doo, captured by an infantry unit that utterly destroys the village they are in, killing damn near everyone onscreen in some of the most insanely violent methods imaginable. It’s not pretty. And it’s not supposed to be. Rambo is soon visited by the pastor of the church that sent the missionaries who explains their dire situation. The pastor has hired mercenaries to extract the prisoners and needs Rambo to take them upriver. He agrees and pretty soon the real action begins. Rambo and the mercenaries battle numerous baddies culminating in some of the most fucked up battle scenes ever captured on celluloid. Yep, those who have been waiting for the return of John Rambo (or even those who have been seeking a “real” action movie instead of this cookie cutter bullshit that’s been released over the past decade) will certainly find their Shangra-La with this film.

It must be noted that this film is extremely violent. And I’m not talking your average R-rated violence either. I’m truly surprised that this film was released without having to make major cuts for the R-rating. You’ve heard a film described as ultra-violent? Well, “Rambo” is HYPER-ULTRA-SUPER VIOLENT. Capitalized. You’ve never seen bullet hits like this before. With burnings, decapitations, explosions, and stabbings piled on top of the already numerous bullet hits, this is the most violent film to hit in a long long time. But it’s not violence for the sake of being violent, no. It’s realistic. It’s scary. It punches you in the teeth, screaming “You want war? Well here it is!”. War truly is hell in Stallone’s world, and John Rambo brings it harder than anyone else in screen history has ever brought it. Did you see Sam Peckinpah’s “The Wild Bunch”? Remember that brutal battle at the end, the one where the blood literally exploded on the camera? Multiply that by 100 and you got “Rambo”. No one is safe…..not women, not animals, not even children (in some of the more shocking scenes). It’s scary because this shit happens on an every day basis over there. “Rambo” doesn’t glorify it. It slaps you across the face with it and says “This is real! This is what happens!”. Some people said that previous Rambo films were pro-war, but “Rambo”, as unrelenting in the violence it shows that war causes, is a very anti-war film. War is nasty. It’s brutal. It IS hell.

Stallone is just a badass as John Rambo. But Stallone, the writer, gives Rambo a reason. The storyline is as well written as any action movie could ask, so props have to go to Stallone for not delivering yet another bullet ballet with a weak plot. In order to revisit the Rambo character, there had to be a reason, and Stallone gives Rambo plenty of justification for his homecoming. Not only that, but this “Rambo” is not a comic book character. He’s no superhero, as he was in an earlier sequel (hey, I’m not bashing Rambo III, I loved it as much as you! But come on, that shit is a little too unrealistic). Rambo is a character of depth, a victim of war, and it shows in his face. You hear it when he speaks. He’s been battered and beaten by a lifetime of war and he wants so badly to put it all behind him. He’s a more realistic “Rambo”.

You can’t go wrong with this movie. It’s a triumphant return to a character we’ve all missed for the last 2 decades. Stallone has still got it and I hope he keeps giving it. I wouldn’t mind seeing one more go at the “Rambo” character, so hopefully the film will be enough of a success to warrent it.

BUT….I have to get THIS off my chest. There are some people out there that chose to spend their money watching a piece of crap like “Meet The Spartans” instead of quality cinema like “Rambo”, and to those people who put that shitty movie in first place at the box office ahead of “Rambo” I’d like to say this. YOU are the reason the quality of films are diminishing. YOU are the reason that studios are scared to take chances on resurrecting and revisiting previously successful franchises. YOU make me sick. Don’t ever try to say that you are a lover of cinema when you’d rather spend your cash on a piece of shit like “Meet The Spartans” over a film like “Rambo”. But you know something……I’m glad you wasted your money on that flick. I’d rather sit in a theatre with TRUE fans of cinema, people who know what great filmmaking is about, than have to share a row with a moron like you who’d rather shell out 9 bucks on tripe like “Meet The Spartans”. Enjoy your juvenile shitfests while the rest of us enjoy “Rambo”, a real film.