REEL TRUTH with Serena Whitney

The Scalene Love Triangle

Ever since we were old enough to watch a soap opera, a formulaic romantic comedy or open an ARCHIE comic, we have been captivated with the drama of the allusive “love triangle.” The “love triangle” is an ageless scenario that has become far more prominent in television shows and film today and even though the triangle aspect is far more tired than Flava Flav’s sense of style, it instantly hooks us in and becomes our Kryptonite.  Although, we all use the excuse that being addicted to watching the love triangle drama is merely just a guilty pleasure, it really is a visual for the narcissistic fantasy we all secretly manifest of having two people fighting for our affections.

Whether it be a brawl in a bar or a hair-pulling session in a vast pool of Jell-O, (or a half-naked light saber duel if you’re Adam Green) both men and women have thought at one time or another about two love interests battling for their hearts while playing “eenie meanie miney moe” to find out who would be the victor.

Of course, these are just hilarious daydreams that hold no merit whatsoever. Although we secretly want the fantasy, we never believe we will actually be in that situation.  However, by the time one hits their mid-twenties, they will be surprised when finding themselves in this “dilemma” and cursing how movies how romanticized these triangles for decades.

Like a prepubescent girl getting her period for the first time, finding yourself in a love triangle can be a surreal and exciting experience. Although you soon realize early on the “thrill” of it all dissipates faster than Vanessa Hudgen’s clothes, and all you’re left with in the end is moodiness, pain and a bloated love life. You start to wonder why you even yearned for this hopeless situation in the first place.

Now the reason why movies make love triangles so appealing and envy-worthy is not because of the “triangle” itself, but it’s rather the shape of the triangle that viewers find so pleasing.  I know there must be a bunch of you confused readers out there questioning if I’m smoking the reefer, (which is a fair assumption) but let me explain.  The most profitable and most watched “love triangle” films revolve around the “Isosceles Love Triangle.” This love triangleconsists of two love interests (one is usually an ex trying to redeem him/herself) that have an equal amount of love for the lead character.

Now in reality, isosceles love triangles rarely exist.  Although most people like to think their love triangles are shaped like Isosceles triangles, they’re actually more than likely to be shaped like a “Scalene triangle.”  You see, a “scalene love triangle” is when NO person holds the same amount of love for the so-called object of their affections. In most cases, there is an enormous amount of fondness for the ex that doesn’t deserve it and there is a lack of affection for the current love interest who would bend over backwards for you.  (Enticing ain’t it?)

Unfortunately, after years of watching Isosceles love triangles onscreen, we have a tendency to delude ourselves to think that maybe our sad scalene love triangles mean so much more than they really do.

Suddenly, that random facebook wall message left by your ex asking about your ‘in a relationship’ status becomes the biggest ‘grand gesture’ ever made since Dwayne Wayne stopped Whitley’s wedding in A Different World. (Loved that episode by the way!) After that, all your current boy/girlfriend has to do is simply miss reading one of your daily blogs to somehow ‘prove’ a tragic character flaw within themselves that may not make them the “ones” for you.

Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you these love triangles are not all that they’re cracked up to be. Earlier this year, I found myself in a situation where I jeopardized my relationship to be with an ex who had proven time and time again that the only serious commitment he would be able to make to me was purchasing the ‘family pack’ at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

It was seducing at first to be able to walk in Carrie Bradshaw’s shoes for once, (well metaphorically speaking anyways. I can’t afford Manolos.) but after all the self-inflicted drama and pain I had caused, I was ready to trade in my proverbial Manolos for my “no fuss and comfy as hell” Wal-Mart flip flops. I had lived vicariously through the actresses’ onscreen and had foolishly risked it all simply to experience their drama firsthand.  After that my love life became a ‘Bermuda love triangle’—lost and nowhere to be found.

Movies that romanticize love triangles rarely focus on the aftermath. I bet you if Sweet Home Alabama focused on the consequences of Reese Witherspoon leaving Patrick Dempsey at the altar for Josh Lucas, it would involve Dempsey playing Russian roulette on a bed with prostitutes sniffing coke off their asses and a devastated Witherspoon being jilted by Lucas promptly after a ‘roll in the hay.’

The lesson to be learned here is stop comparing yourself and your problematic love life to what you see on screen.  You are not Bella or Edward or Jacob. You are you and your love life is as complicated as you make it to be.  Avoid the love triangle drama, because if you don’t, the only isosceles love triangle you will ever experience will be between Haagen Daz and Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. (Believe me…it’s no win situation. )