Late Night Classics – The Bikini Carwash Company (NSFW)

When I first set out to do a retrospective series on some of my favorite films, I wanted to make sure I hit all genres, not just horror, which is my favorite. Also, getting an interview to go with the column has always been icing on the cake, but if I am not able to get one for a particular movie, it will never stop me from giving it some love. The kind of films that fueled Rhonda Shear’s USA Up All Night were sex-comedies, and the number of them that have never received a DVD release are staggering.

In my past life, one of the many perks of being employed at a video store were the screeners that you were able to keep. I was in nerd heaven when I worked at a location that was adjacent to the district office where hundreds of movies arrived for the taking. It was like being a kid in a candy store getting to watch flicks before they were available to the general public, and not having to pay for them was nice as well. One of the many freebies I received was The Bikini Carwash Company.

VHS hit its stride in the early 90′s as erotic cinema took center stage after the success of skintastic flicks like Body of Evidence and Basic Instinct, but they having nothing on the sophmoric hijinks of Reform School Girls and Spring Break. I prefer my flicks with no name actors who have nothing to lose except their clothes, and who do not have a clause in their contract that says they will not do nudity. You are probably saying, “Um, bro, there was a ton of nakedness in those two pictures.” That is very true, but those actresses were making a buttload of money and their nudity almost seems subliminal compared to something like The Bikini Carwash Company.

Released straight to video in 1992, The Bikini Carwash Company is about naive midwesterner Jack McGowan [Joe Dusic], a guy who is taking over his uncle’s car wash for the summer. He bumps into a group of broke, hot women who are hard up for cash after their edible swimwear business went under. Sexy business major Melissa Reese [Kristi Ducati] uses her assets and convinces Jack that the ladies can help the Sunshine Car Wash with profits by making the outfits at Hooters seem like winter clothes by stripping down to their bikinis, and sometimes even less, and become one with the suds and the dirty cars. Expert on all things tits and ass, Jim Wynorski, cameos as one of the employees who gets an up close and personal demonstration of the girls flexible girations.

At the thirty-minute mark you see one of the finest fights in the history of cinema. The girls dump buckets of water all over their bodies, sponges are tossed about, and tops are popped as every dude with a libido will be running to the bathroom to find some Vaseline and do battle with their one-eyed monster.

Assistant District Attorney Donavon Drake pays a visit with an order to shut down the car wash because one of the half-naked employees caused over forty-two fender benders by trying to wave in new customers from the street. Legal counselor Bobbie Canova [Kimberly Bee] is brought in to defend Jack after he is accused of running some sort of brothel. Leave it to one of the nymphette’s to change his mind real quick by breaking him down with a little bump and grind. Our friends are not in the clear yet as Judge Hawthorne [Jack Klarr] drives in for a wash to only have Mrs. Hawthorne [Landon Hall] lose her skirt to a vacuum. The sight of seeing his wife stripped down to her lingerie only turns him on as the two decide to do the wild thing inside their car. One final hurdle is the District Attorney, who is busted for being the pervert who has been flashing his weenie the entire film. He hates women, especially his mother, but after a lap dance from a few strippers he deems the car wash can stay open. Uncle Elmer returns to work after he found a cure for his allergies, edible underwear, the same ones Melissa was trying to sell. As Elmer puts it, “If somebody invests in that stuff, they’ll make a fortune!”

They sure do not make them like they used to. The Bikini Carwash Company did smashing business when it came out and a sexy sequel was made with much of the cast returning, The Bikini Carwash Company II. On a scale of one to ten the nudity counter hits one hundred. You have my seal of approval that this flick will leave your sailor saluting for hours.

Jason Bene

I'm just an average man/ With an average life/ I work from nine to five/ Hey, hell, I pay the price/ All I want is to be left alone/ In my average home/ But why do I always feel/ Like I'm in the twilight zone

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