Late Night Classics – Silent Night, Deadly Night (NSFW)

If “A Nightmare on Elm Street” gave you sleepless nights, or if “Halloween” made you jump at every shadow, or if every “Friday the 13th” was more frightening than the others… THEN BEWARE!

You would think that Hollywood would steer clear of Christmas related horror films because who wants to think about death and dismemberment around the time of the birth of our Lord and Savior. Think again, my friend, because everyone knows visiting family and friends around the Holidays can be a major pain in the rear. As a child you are oblivious to the torment of being obligated to hang with people you have avoided like the plague since the prior December.

Just like most cinephiles, every year I warm up to the chuckles of Christmas Vacation, Christmas Story, and Scrooged. They are all great and pillars of the yuletide season, but I need some yin to go with the yang, so it is movies like Elves, Black X-Mas, Gremlins, and To All a Good Night to the rescue. The most cathartic film of them all has a man dressed in a Santa suit slaughtering innocents at every turn.

In 1984, Silent Night, Deadly Night [known as Slayride during production] was picketed by angry parents who were not happy to see Santa Claus depicted as an axe murderer. Large crowds formed at theaters and malls around the nation to protest the film; when they should have been at home getting a life and not acting righteous. I wish these hypocrites would put this amount of energy into not hitting their kids and working on their marriages. Siskel and Ebert, the Laurel & Hardy of critics, proudly read the film’s production credits out loud on their television show saying, “shame, shame, shame” after each name. Cinema snob Leonard Malton also slammed it, calling it a “worthless splatter film”. Despite the negativity, the flick did end up being re-released in ninety-three theaters in May 1985. I assume all of these experts dozed off in 1980 when Lewis Jackson made Christmas Evil, a movie about a psycho in a Santa suit who goes on a killing spree.

It is Christmas Eve, 1971, and eight year-old Billy [Danny Wagner] is travelling cross country with his parents and baby brother to visit his Grandfather at the Utah Mental Facility. He asks Mom, “What time does Santa Claus come?” She replies, “Not until everyone is asleep in bed.” He replies, “Can’t I stay up and see him?” Her response is the first seed to be planted in Billy’s head about fearing Saint Nicholas, “I wouldn’t if I were you. It’s naughty to stay up past your bedtime. Santa Claus doesn’t bring presents to naughty children.”

The family visits Grandpa [Will Hare, best known for Back to the Future] in the recreational room where he appears to have a serious case of Alzheimer’s disease. Billy is left alone with gramps, who was just playing possum and turns out to be as spry as a spring chicken. He has a gleem in his eye and a smile that develops over his face as he tells the young lad an even better delivered speech than Christopher Walken’s in Pulp Fiction.

“What do you want her for? She can’t help ya, nobody can! You scared, ain’t you? You should be. Christmas Eve is the scariest damn night of the year. I’d be scared too if I was you. You know what happens on Christmas Eve, don’t ya? You know all about Santa Claus? I’ll tell you something. Santa Claus only brings presents to them that’s been good all year. To the one’s that ain’t done nothing naughty. All the others ones, all the naughty ones. He punishes! What about you boy? You’ve been good all year? You see Santa Claus tonight you better run boy! You better run for your life!!” He finishes with an eerie laugh before going back to his prior state.

A Killer Santa [Charles Dierkop] holds up a liquor store and proceeds to gun down the clerk for “thirty-one fucking bucks”. Heading home, the dad makes the fatal error of giving some roadside assistance to the deranged man and proceeds to get shot, and Mom tries to get away only to have her throat slit. Young Billy is a witness to the whole massacre.

December 1974, sees the boy at Saint Mary’s Home For Orphaned Children where he draws a disturbing picture that gets him sent to Mother Superior [Lilyan Chauvin] for a scolding. The drawing clearly shows he has a deep-rooted rage still inside of him. Like Michael Myers from Halloween, Billy is a ticking time bomb waiting for something to trigger him. Sister Margaret [Gilmer McCormick] sees the evil inside and tries to get him to play with the other children. On his way out he hears some peculiar noises coming from down the hall. He looks into the peephole and witnesses copulation, and seeing the woman’s breasts brings back Killer Santa ripping his mom’s shirt open before slashing her.

Flash forward to a decade later, the Spring of 1984, and Sister Margaret gets Billy a seasonal job at Ira’s Toys [named after producer Ira Barmak]. Cue the heartfelt music as muscle man Billy puts away boxes, lifts a girl so she can reach a stuffed bear, and even fixes the leg on a Mr. Potato Head.

Billy is starting to show cracks as someone is hired to be the in-store Santa Claus and his mug is showing up all over the store in a variety of decorations. Sweet, I just saw a Krull board game; back to the movie. Billy has a vivid dream that he is smacking up, flipping, and rubbing down his co-worker Pamela [Toni Nero], not before a knife emerges from the dark to slice her.

Mr. Sims [Britt Leach] has doomed all of his employess as he has Billy dress up as Santa. They all decide to get shit-faced at an after hours party at the store as all mayhem unsues: a hanging by way of Christmas lights, a blade to the gut, a hammer to the head, and an arrow to the back.

On his way back to Haddonfield, I mean, his old orphanage, Billy starts picking off anyone in his path. Linnea Quigley shows up in an early role and does what she does best, gets naked and dies, but this time she gets “punished” by being impaled on a pair of taxidermy deer antlers. The best death of the film is a guy sledding down a mountain who gets his noggin’ chopped off by an axe and then it rolls down after him and comes to a dead stop right next to his headless torso. Billy tries to kill Mother Superior and takes a bullet in the back for his troubles. Fourteeen year-old Ricky, Billy’s brother, witnessed his death and has the final word of the picture…”Naughty!”

Even though Silent Night, Deadly Night was removed from theaters after a couple weeks, it became a cult classic and horror favorite on video. There were four, you heard me right, four sequels to the original. There was Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!, Initiation: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4, and Silent Night Dead Night 5: The Toymaker. Not many of them are remembered for being any good, but Part 2 should be viewed just for the “Garbage Day!” line.

Jason Bene

I'm just an average man/ With an average life/ I work from nine to five/ Hey, hell, I pay the price/ All I want is to be left alone/ In my average home/ But why do I always feel/ Like I'm in the twilight zone

More Posts - Website

Follow Me: