How watching horror movies on dates can help you score!

After first glancing at this article’s headline, I’m sure you’re thinking I’m this sad and pathetic horror movie geek that is currently sitting in a dimly lit room with my nose pressed against a computer monitor while listening to a greatest hits of”Marco Beltrami” scores and admiring my Billy Drago collection strategically placed on a mantel. However, that is the furthest thing from the truth. (I’m listening to Goblin thank you very much! :P)

All jokes aside, I’m just a twenty four year old woman who just loves killer films and loves to take my vast knowledge of movie trivia and put it to good use. Today my new found friends, I’m using my knowledge to improve your dormant and lacklustre sex lives. (Sorry, I just assumed if you’re reading this, it

s an area that may need room for improvement. :P)

People don’t realize how big of a role movies play in most people’s dating lives and the reason why that is, is because the number one most common thing to do on a date is to go to movies. After recollecting stories with my friends, I realized there was an odd trend of people hooking up after going to the movies or watching one from the comforts of their homes. It was then that I started asking my friends which movies they were watching before the “urge” came. After getting bizarre looks, they all confessed and as surprising it sounds, horror films were usually the unforeseen sexual mood-elevators for the majority of the couples.

It may sound morbid, but horror movies can be (and have been) aphrodisiacs and here are a few reasons why:

Devoid of “Knight in Shining Armor” archetypes- In majority of horror films, men are typically no match for the “final girl” Most cases, it is the woman who is able to save herself from the horror that awaits her. However, in romantic comedies, women are used to being swept off their feet and rescued from the leading man. A lot of the times when guys take their dates to”chick flicks” it’s usually to impress them. (Or because they’re whipped. :P) These films are the worst films to take your date to, because a lot of the time, (as much as I hate to admit this) women are subconsciously using the gorgeous man who is spouting out Harlequin romance-inspired monologues and making grand gestures onscreen as the basis of comparison to you…the dude whose idea of a “grand gesture” is upsizing the popcorn combo at the concession stand. Watching horror films usually spares you of this grief, because you’ll never hear her say, “Aww…why can’t you save me from imminent death like that?”

Foolproof excuse for Touching-Before getting a fatal stab wound to his ear, Omar Epp’s doomed character in Scream 2 referred to scary movies as being great foreplay. Unfortunately this statement would not prove to be true in his case; however in reality it speaks volumes for couples who have ever watched a horror film together. When watching a genuinely scary film, (or a mediocre one that’s just riddled with cheap BOO scares) guys usually don’t have to worry about the obligatory and mind-numbing countdown to when they can awkwardly put their arms around the girl. A lot of the times the girl involuntarily will make the first move by clutching onto their date or burying their heads into their SHOULDERS. The best films to show for these results are ones that are very suspenseful and ones that DRAG the hell out of scenes guaranteed to make you jump. Suggestion: The Strangers

Sex and Death 101- Sometimes horror movies can be so unsettling and leave you feeling numb inside after viewing them. It could be stated that some scary movies leave you with a similar feeling people feel after funerals. It’s an unspoken fact, but generally after funerals a high percentage of people have sex to not only cope with the pain, but also to celebrate life. I find that psychological horror and movies that remind you that no one is guaranteed another day (like Final Destination) really increases the chances of celebrating. However, this can not be said for films that deal with explicit rape issues. I highly recommend you to stay away from films like The Last House on the Left, Irreversible, and any Jack Ketchum film adaptations for that matter, unless you find the idea of being stuck in an emotional cold shower for the rest of the night exhilarating.

Gratuitous sex scenes- As we all know, sex scenes are as common to see in the horror genre as it is common to see Uwe Boll ruin a video game franchise in his films. A lot of the time, sex in horror has nothing to do with the plot, but more about having an excuse to see a fully naked woman and a partially uncovered man get it on. Now as awkward as they can be to watch, the unspoken titular enjoyment that comes with the presence of sex scenes in movies is unquestionable. (This is of course if you are not watching them with any family members in the room.) When watching sex scenes with your date, the scenes immediately become the proverbial “pink suede elephants” in the room nobody wants to talk about but can’t stop thinking about, thus creating sexual tension. However speaking from personal experience, I strongly advise you to avoid watching The Devil’s Rejects on a date. The memory of the sex scene involving Sid Haig and veteran porn star Ginger Lynn Allen still haunts me to this very day.

Sexual Imagery and Symbolism-Horror films are not only notorious for exploitative sex scenes, but also for sexual subliminal messages. However, most are not so subtle and can be blatantly pointed out faster than a seven year old kid can point out the “sex” cloud in The Lion King. The horror film Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon cleverly points out slashers need to constantly put in phallic and yonic imagery with the horror displayed onscreen. This means in a lot of cases, people are continuously reminded of sex even when a character is getting ripped to bits. May sound weird, but it’s true. However, if you find yourself turned on by seeing the actual pornography of violence onscreen, (i.e. stabbings) do not walk, but run to the nearest psychiatrist in your area.

So that’s my list of a few simple factors I think that contribute to sex and horror films. Sure, you may think the facts you’ve learned in this article to be sort of reaching or to be as useless as a dental dam in Tara Reid’s goodie drawer. However, one can’t deny the visceral, physical, and mental reactions that come with watching horror films. I’m not saying by turning on a scary movie it will make a guy more irresistible than the men parading in the Axe spray commercials, but the chances of anything happening seems to be far greater when watching horror than any other genre. (Note: Rules do not apply to horny teenagers)

Since it’s the Halloween season, I highly suggest you test out my theory. (I bet ‘Saw 5′ is looking a lot better in your eyes now.) It might not work, but at least you get to avoid films like Made of Honor or Nights of Rodanthe and that is always a good thing in my books.