It’s a little bit Zombie and a little bit Carpenter!

When the marketing campaign for a film is built around the phrase, ‘Reinventing a legend’ the director that is charged with this reinvention has a lot to worry about. With only two films behind him, Zombie has proven to the viewing public that he has what it takes to lead a major flick into the trenches of success. That’s why when I heard that he would be the guy in charge of waking up one of my favorite horror icons I was actually excited.

Not long after I heard that ‘Halloween’ was getting a facelift and my favorite rock-star-turned-filmmaker was going to be the man bringing it to life I read a terrible review of an early draft of Zombies script on AICN. I started to get a little nervous at this point, but decided to ignore what I’d read and reserve my judgment until the flick was released.

Then, when news that a work print of the film had leaked was all over the internet, I read everything I could get my grubby paws on and at the end of the day was still pretty excited about what I’d heard was in the work print, and that is exactly why after watching the flick today I was a little disappointed.

The film starts off at the Meyers household where we get our first glimpse of young Michael, and we are treated to some tasty dialogue from William Forsythe. Then young Michael (Daeg Faerch) heads off to school where a bully picks him on and after a fight ends up in the principal’s office. The principal along with Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell) who is called to consult with Mike’s mom after a bag containing a dead cat and various pictures of dead animals is found her boy’s locker.

After a scene that will make every kid that has ever bullied someone squirm in their seats Mike puts on his clown mask and hacks, beats, and chops up members of his family and is then put into an mental institution. In the hospital Mike starts out optimistic but soon shifts into a darker place and stops talking to everyone including Dr. Loomis.

The third act of is set back in Mike’s home town of Haddonfield where he is trying to find his sister, the only member of his family besides his mother that he loved. This is where the film lost me. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t as strong as the fist and second act. The first half of the flick had Zombie written all over it, but once Mike puts on the famous mask and overalls the film flipped on the flux compassitor and traveled back in time smack dab into Carpenter’s film. Now, there are some pretty big differences (blood & boobs) but instead of following the path he set with the beginning of the film he retread a lot of the same ground Carpenter did in the original. I can’t wait to see if a director’s cut is released with the ending that was supposed to be in the work print as well as the rape scene that got cut out.

The film itself looked fantastic, it had a really nostalgic feel to it. I could almost smell the candy corn and seeing the old jack-o-lantern candy holders brought back some awesome memories from my childhood. The soundtrack was also top notch and featured some great music from the 70’s and Tyler Bates’ take on the theme song worked well also.

Zombie is one of my favorite new directors and this film only solidified my faith in his abilities. He chose a cast that was stellar; hell Daeg Faerch should win an Oscar for his amazing performance as young Michael, and he shot a beautifully brutal film. My only complaint is that the end of the film felt like an ending that was tagged on to make a studio suit happy. However I did enjoy seeing Danielle Harris’s boobs and listening to her talk dirty was also a treat.

Overall I think Zombie did a good job with the tools he was given. So if you haven’t seen Rob Zombie’s ‘Halloween’ yet then get your ass to the theater because it is a killer film.

The Big Chiller

From the cover art and title, it’s quite easy to see why so many viewers have been upset by this movie. The cover for ‘Dead Mary’ features a girl standing in front of a mirror in which a demon’s face is screaming. Well, there’s no actual ‘Dead Mary’ in this film, nor does she ever appear in a mirror; but if you go into this movie with no expectations like I did, you may find yourself pleasantly surprised.

A group of old college friends meet up at a cabin for a relaxing weekend away from their jobs and other responsibilities. The gang doesn’t see each other quite often anymore, so they intend to utilize this weekend to its full potential. Unfortunately, after they all arrive, they find out one couple is breaking up, one guy is cheating on his wife, Ted (the owner of the cabin) hasn’t shown up yet, and other problems that put a damper on the mood. The rest of the day is extremely uncomfortable for everyone, so after they have a few drinks and lounge around chit-chatting. When the subject of ‘Dead Mary’ comes up, everyone becomes interested. It’s essentially the same story as Bloody Mary, except the girls claim that Dead Mary is a witch and that she’s real. So one by one, a few of the friends venture off into the bathroom and say her name in front of a mirror three times and emerge unharmed. No harm, no foul’or so they think. Only a few hours later, one friend runs inside covered in blood and screaming that another’s dead. They go into the woods and sure enough find the mauled body, which suddenly sits up and starts regenerating itself while spitting out cruel rumors about each person. Then they suddenly realize, ‘Where are all the other campers?’ ‘Where is Ted?’ ‘Why wasn’t there anyone at the gas station earlier?’ Soon it becomes apparent that there is something else going on in the area and it pits the group into a dangerous game of ‘who can you trust and who will be next?’

My plot description’s kind of lame and vague, but it’s kind of a hard movie to explain. I don’t feel like naming and describing all of the characters, because really, their roles aren’t that important. They’re not stereotypical like in most horror movies, but come off as genuine, real people who are put in a terrible situation. The acting is 100% legit and I guarantee that you will never get better acting in a direct-to-DVD b-film. The dialogue flows WAY too well; sort of on the lines of Kevin Smith’s natural dialogue, except this film thankfully doesn’t sound like a bunch of pretentious 30-year-olds battling wits on pop-culture phenomena.

As I said earlier, there really ISN’T a ‘Dead Mary,’ but there somewhat is I suppose. You can argue that the game of ‘Dead Mary’ brought about the witch’s spirit which starts possessing the friends one by one, but then that negates the fact as to why there’s nobody else around for miles and miles. The plot may sounds like it has holes, but I’d like to believe that the script just leaves a lot up to personal interpretation. (I’m such an optimist.) But we never see a ‘Dead Mary’ with the exception of possessed friends and we’re never really told why this is going on. The movie also ends on a VERY quick note, which you’ll either love or hate.

There isn’t a drastic amount of gore in the movie, but the film itself doesn’t really call for it. It’s a lot more of a character-study/survival film than a straight up gore film. Regardless, it still has this ‘Evil Dead’ meets ‘Cabin Fever’ vibe and the creepy vibe alone makes up for the lack of (or off-screen) violence.

With superb acting, gorgeous camera work and quality, and a strange but thought provoking plot, ‘Dead Mary’ puts a very interesting staple in the genre. It also proves that direct-to-DVD isn’t such a bad thing, considering that this movie was better than most of the mainstream fare I’ve seen this year. And plus it stars Dominique Swain, who I am absolutely in love with. If only she’d possess me’

The Hidden Message: Dead Mary. Dead Mary. Dead M—–aahfhfsd.fj…

“Red State” Script Finished!

According to News Askew, Kevin Smith has finished the script for his upcoming Horror/Thriller “Red State” and it’s the shortest script he’s ever written.

Smith details:

It is written. Finished “Red State” today. Shortest flick (in terms of page count) that I ever wrote. Least amount of dialogue, too (not to say there’s no dialogue; just that there’s about half as much as I normally write). Unlike any other script I’ve ever authored, to say the least. Very fucked up. If I’d never said anything about it in the press and put it out under a pseudonym, I doubt anyone would ever connect me with it. Can’t wait to shoot it.

Also, Smith’s original plot detailing:

“The film is insipred by Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, a controversial church group made largely of members of the Phelps family and run by preacher Fred Phelps. [The Church] is infamous in America for taking a supremely homophobic stance and for picketing the funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq, the group see media interviews as a platform for airing their views and the word of their founder, Fred Phelps.” ["Red" is] very much about that subject matter, that point of view and that position taken to the absolute extreme.”

If any of you have ever seen the Phelps family videos before, you’d want to kill them too.

Though I can’t imagine this being a horror/thriller due to its subject matter, i’ll still go ahead and give Smith the benefit of the doubt on this one. Just don’t fuck it up and throw a “Mooby Burger” into the background.

Feed Your Horror Needs

I love having a beer and a burger with a few friends while forgetting about the grinding nature of everyday life. It’s a release that not only helps me to forget my worries but also allows me to give the brain cells a rest. Another ritual that helps me unwind is watching horror movies. A good horror flick for me is something that I never seem to grow tired of, but lately horror flicks require more of a mental investment than they used to. The days of monsters hungry for human flesh and hack and slash killers that stalk half naked girls are giving way to torture devices and dead Asian girls with long black hair.

Writer/Director Randy Daudlin’s flick ‘Bottom Feeder’ is a straightforward monster flick with memorable characters, buckets of gore, and a cool soundtrack. It didn’t try to be anything more than a horror flick, and for me that was enough.

The story goes something like this; city maintenance worker Vince Stoker (Tom Sizemore) and his crew are dispatched to an abandoned hospital with a labyrinth of tunnels that run below it with the specific task of locking off the tunnels. When they get to the tunnels they meet up with a homeless tunnel bum that is roaming around looking for his lost dog, and because Vince is a stand up guy he and his crew decide to help the bum look for his dog.

What Vince and his crew don’t know is that a millionaire burn victim in an attempt to fix his burned up face has injected a doctor with a drug that heals any wound, but makes the taker of the drug hungry. Problem with the hunger is that because of the drug the host takes on characteristics of whatever it eats.

Bring on the monster! The good doctor (you know, the one that got the injection of the cure all drug) is so hungry that he eats rats and the makes a meal out of the bum’s mutt, and because of his new eating habits and the wonder drug the doc becomes a rat/dog/human hybrid that wants nothing more than to chomp on human flesh. So now Vince and his band of merry men and a lady have to fight their way out of the tunnels so that they don’t become the doc’s next meal.

The fact that director, Randy Daudlin is a special effects artist helped up the production value and definitely pumped up the gore factor. The monster wasn’t the coolest I’ve ever seen, but it was still pretty cool and the fact that it really did damage to whatever it was eating put a smile on this gore-hound’s face. Also the actors were all really good and none of them seemed redundant. Instead of populating his movie with throwaway characters, Daudlin decided to keep the cast small but made sure that each one was well developed. Tom Sizemore was great as maintenance man Vince Stoker and the rest of the cast were strong as well.

‘Bottom Feeder’ was a fun horror romp that was proud of its b-movie roots. It had everything that a horror fan looking for some gory fun could want, so put this one on your list of future rentals because it is a killer film.

Further Descent…

After showing the trailer for his upcoming film, “Doomsday”, Neil Marshall (the genius who brought us “Dog Soldiers” and “The Descent”) discussed “The Descent 2″ during a Q and A session, proving that the project is for real. Fangoria details:

“I will not be directing THE DESCENT 2,” he revealed. “But I will be overseeing every aspect of the production. There’s nothing to oversee yet, though, as the script is currently being written. My DESCENT editor Jon Harris will make his feature directing debut with the sequel, and I can’t think of a better man for the job.”

Harris also edited SNATCH, LAYER CAKE and this summer’s STARDUST, and is working on the currently shooting horror-thriller EDEN LAKE, produced by DESCENT makers Celador Films. Written and directed by MY LITTLE EYE co-scripter James Watkins, that film is about a group of feral children terrorizing a vacationing couple.

Check out the rest of the article at Fangoria.com!

Exercising the Demons

I must start this review off with an explicit and straightforward warning for you men who dare to watch this video: your cock will explode. Women’if you dare to watch this video’your cock will explode.

No matter what gender or sexual orientation you choose, it’s impossible to deny scream queen Linnea Quigley’s sexual prowess. In every movie she’s in, we see her trotting around in skimpy outfits, dancing completely nude in graveyards, having sex, or shoving lipstick tubes into her breasts. Bottom line: she’s a hottie.

Capitalizing on that, a video was made in 1990 called ‘Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout.’ This hard-to-find video captures Linnea Quigley doing what she does best; being sexy. The opening of this video is a 5 minute shower scene of Quigley, so already you know you’re in for a treat. After that, she tells us how hard it is to be a scream queen and that it involves a lot of work. She proves this by stretching in ludicrously hot positions while wearing a black leather studded bra and panties. Next, she’s off for a jog! Just as any scream queen would, she takes a cut through a cemetery. Sooner than you think, she has a ton of zombies chasing after her finally cornering her by the pool. Does she let that stop her? No way! She shames the zombies for being so out of shape and forces them to do pool side exercises with her before tricking them all to jump into the water. Now Linnea’s ready to relax so she invites over 3 really hot friends so it around in skimpy lingerie to watch some of her favorite movies. Well, next thing you know, all four girls are exercising their asses off, while the cameraman (who I’m insanely jealous of) gets some lovely shots. Everything seems fine and dandy until a masked killer strikes loose in Linnea’s home! Then her friends start to die one by one until we realize’it was really Linnea killing them all along! Then we have some bloopers and THE END.

Now I know that this doesn’t sound like a serious review, and really, it isn’t. Neither is the movie serious. It’s just plain old straight-to-video fun! There are lots of scenes from Linnea’s work spliced in ‘Horror Workout’ of some of her best moments (but no ‘Night of the Demons’ WTF???) Linnea also uses the video to make fun of her life a constant scream queen, turning down an offer to dance naked in a graveyard while wearing a chicken suit.

This video doesn’t take itself seriously at all and neither should you. But if anything, it’s great for laughs or just to put on at a party. You get to see Linnea Quigley naked and then exercising with sexy friends while watching clips from her favorite horror films. You really just can’t complain. It’s not like anyone died and made you Scream Queen!

The Hidden Message: At this point, do I need to say more? However, if you want to get your hands on a copy, try Amazon new and used and eBay. Or for those of you who sail the high seas of the net, you know where to look. Yargh!

When Blood Hits the Screen - DVD Releases for September 2007

I was pretty fucking bummed out when I had checked other websites for release dates which showed that September held NOTHING for the horror genre. There were only about two or three releases worth mentioning. It’s the month before October! Where’s all the good pre-Halloween horror? Well, I did some research and it turns out that this September is actually a GREAT month for the horror genre! So fuck a week-by-week. I’m giving you the whole month! Enjoy!

Tuesday, September 4th, 2007

Plot:
Two college students share a ride home for the holidays. When they break down on a deserted stretch of road, they’re preyed upon by the ghosts of people who have died there.

Opinion:
“Wind Chill” was one of my favorite horror films of this year. It blends competent and stellar acting on the parts of Emily Blunt and Ashton Holmes to create an uncomfortable and sometimes heartbreaking character study within a horror movie setting. I would highly recommend this one to any genre fan, but if you’re expecting blood and guts, you may be disappointed. This is horror for the emotional thinker.

Plot:
A woman who lost her daughter to suicide investigates a theory that may have to do with the young girl’s death.

Opinion:
I haven’t watched this one yet, but anything involving suicide and death is typically great horror fare. Plus, it stars Adrienne “Call Me Billy” Barbeau and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s” Nicholas Brendon. Suicide and Big Tits Barbeau? You just can’t go against logic.

Plot: (Resident Evil)
A special military unit fights a powerful, out-of-control supercomputer and hundreds of scientists who have mutated into flesh-eating creatures after a laboratory accident.

Plot: (Resident Evil: Apocalypse)
After an outbreak in a top-secret facility, Umbrella ponders on covering up their mistakes by releasing the deadly Nemesis to eliminate surviving STARS members in Raccoon City.

Opinion:
Celebrating the release of “Resident Evil: Extinction,” Sony must’ve felt it necessary to capitalize on the series by releasing a two-pack with the previous RE films. Though they stray horribly from the video game, the films are mildly entertaining at best, but I’d skip on this edition if you already own the original DVDs.

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007

Plot: (Yongary)
Earthquakes in central Korea turn out to be the work of Yongary, a prehistoric gasoline-eating reptile that soon goes on a rampage through Seoul.

Plot: (Konga)
Dr.Decker comes back from Africa after a year, presumed dead. During that year, he came across a way of growing plants and animals to an enormous size. He brings back a baby chimpanzee to test out his theory. As he has many enemies at home, he decides to use his chimp, ‘Konga’ to ‘get rid of them’. Then Konga grows to gigantic proportions and reaks havoc all over the city of London.

Plot: (Tales From the Crypt)
Five people are trapped in a crypt and are shown their futures by the evil cryptkeeper. They are given the option of avoiding their fates - by avoiding living out the rest of their lives

Plot: (Vault of Horror)
Five men trapped in the basement vault of an office building share visions with each other of their demise. Stories revolve around vampires, bodily dismemberment, east Indian mysticism, an insurance scam, and an artist who kills by painting his victims’ deaths.

Plot: (The Beast Within)
In the beginning of the movie you see a woman getting raped by a man-creature of some sort. The movie takes place years later when the child that was a result of that rape is on the rampage looking for a girl to rape to start the process all over again.

Plot: (The Bat People)
After being bitten by a bat in a cave, a doctor undergoes an accelerating transformation into a man-bat creature, which ruins his vacation and causes considerable distress for his wife.

Plot: (Chosen Survivors)
A group of diverse individuals are suddenly taken from their homes and flown via helicopter to a futuristic bomb shelter in the desert, nearly two miles below the surface of the Earth. There they learn that a nuclear holocaust is taking place and that they’ve been “chosen” by computer to survive in the shelter in order to continue the human race. The shelter is designed to allow the people to exist underground comfortably for years, but they are faced with a threat nobody could have predicted: a colony of thousands of bloodthirsty vampire bats finds a way into the shelter and launches a series of vicious attacks where they claim the humans one by one.

Plot: (The Earth Dies Screaming)
The UK is invaded by alien-controlled robots, which re-animate dead human bodies. Survivors of the invasion are besieged by the walking corpses of slain friends and neighbors.

Plot: (Devils of Darkness)
A secret vampire cult, which has its headquarters beneath the town cemetery, searches for victims for its human sacrifice rituals.

Plot: (Witchcraft)
When her grave is disturbed by modern-day land developers, a 300-year-old witch is accidentally resurrected and terrorizes an English village.

Plot: (The Return of Dracula)
Count Dracula kills a passenger on a train in Transylvania and steals his identity. He comes to a small community in California where the Mayberrys are expecting their cousin from Europe. His strange behaviour, sleeping all day and going out at night are surprising to young miss Rachel Mayberry. A policeman from Europe comes to investigate while Rachel’s best friend Jenny dies unexpectedly. And the count plans on giving Rachel the gift of eternal life

Plot: (The Vampire)
Dr. Matthew Campbell has been experimenting on methods to regress the mind to primitive instincts so that we can find methods to improve our brains and not get taken in by cheap horror movie hogwash. He’s developed a drug made from vampire bat blood and has begun treating himself with it. But instead of improving his mind, he’s become ill and addicted. He dies, but not before trying to warn fellow doctor Paul Beecher. Fortunately for us, he dies before he can say more than that pills are to blame. While still at Campbell’s house, Paul finds a bottle of pills and pockets them. He’s also got another bottle of pills in his other pocket that he takes for frequent migraine attacks. He goes home, puts his jacket on a rack, and then he’s struck with a migraine. He asks his daughter to give him the pills in his jacket pocket, and of course she gives him the pills of evil. He is instantly addicted and he must take one pill every day. Each time he takes a pill he turns into a hairy and very insane killer, and he doesn’t remember what he’s done, except as a vague dream. Can the police and the other scientists who work nearby figure out who the killer is and stop him before he kills the beauteous new nurse that he has just hired?

Plot: (Gorilla at Large)
At sinister carnival The Garden of Evil, the main attraction is Goliath, “world’s largest gorilla…cost the lives of 1,000 men before his capture.” Barker Joey Matthews is about to enter the gorilla act, teamed with seductive mantrap Laverne, the owner’s wife. Then a man is found dead of a broken neck. Was it Goliath or someone wearing Joey’s gorilla suit? Detective Sgt. Garrison finds four interlocked romantic triangles among the suspects.

Plot: (Mystery on Monster Island)
A young European boy living in San Francisco is reluctant to marry his long-term girlfriend because he wants to travel around the world first. His wealthy uncle agrees to send him on a global expedition aboard his ship, but en route the boy and his travelling companion are shipwrecked on a remote island, populated by countless prehistoric creatures as well as gold-hunting bandits.

Plot: (The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues)
An unusual radioactive rock on the sea bottom mutates the ocean life into a horrible monster. When charred, radioactive bodies begin to drift ashore a scientist and government agent investigate the phenomenon, and it’s connection to a local marine biology professor.

Plot: (The Beast with a Million Eyes)
The Kelley family seems on the brink of dissolution: Allan’s date farm is based in the California desert miles from the nearest hamlet, his harvest has been bad for several years, and he insists on sheltering and feeding a hulking mute called “Him” in exchange for chores. Wife Carol is at her breaking point and daughter Sandra finds little respite from the parental bickering in her boyfriend Larry. Then one afternoon, something whirrs overhead and is heard to crash far out in the desert. Shortly thereafter, the kindly family dog attacks Carol, harmless “Him” begins to exhibit menacing behaviors, and other animal life seems to become peculiarly aggressive.

Plot: (The House on Skull Mountain)
The heirs to a rich man’s fortune are called together for the reading of the will at a creepy mansion outside of Atlanta. Soon they are being killed off one by one. The survivors try to find the killer before he finishes them all off.

Plot: (The Mephisto Waltz)
Alan Alda plays a classical piano player on the rise who befriends a famous player himself who’s at death’s door. Unknown to Alda, the guy is a satanist, who arranges to have thier souls switch places at his death, so that he can be young again and continue to play piano (thus needing a skilled piano player like Alda to switch bodies with).

Plot:
Morgan and his friends are on a hunting trip on a remote Canadian island when they are attacked by a swarm of giant wasps. Looking for help, Morgan stumbles across a barn inhabited by an enormous killer chicken. After doing some exploring, they discover the entire island is crawling with animals that have somehow grown to giant size. The most dangerous of all of these, however, are the rats, who are mobilizing to do battle with the human intruders.

Plot:
An eccentric scientist (Claude Rains) returns from the Amazon with news of a distant plateau where creatures from the dawn of time still prowl the jungle. To prove his story, he gathers a team of explorers, including a journalist (David Hedison), a playboy-adventurer )Michael Rennie), a beautiful socialite (Jill St. John), and a pilot (Fernando Lamas) with a secret plan of revenge. But an unexpected attack on their camp leaves the group stranded in a world of dinosaurs and other exotic creatures, where humans are no longer the lords of the earth; they are helpless prey.

Plot:
England is torn in civil strife as the Royalists battle the Parliamentary Party for control. This conflict distracts people from rational thought and allows unscrupulous men to gain local power by exploiting village superstitions. One of these men is Matthew Hopkins, who tours the land offering his services as a persecutor of witches. Aided by his sadistic accomplice John Stearne, he travels from city to city and wrenches confessions from “witches” in order to line his pockets and gain sexual favors. When Hopkins persecutes a priest, he incurs the wrath of Richard Marshall, who is engaged to the priest’s niece. Risking treason by leaving his military duties, Marshall relentlessly pursues the evil Hopkins and his minion Stearne.

Plot: (The Abominable Dr. Phibes)
A doctor, scientist, organist, and biblical scholar, Dr. Anton Phibes, seeks revenge on the nine doctors he considers responsible for his wife’s death.

Plot: (Tales of Terror)
Three stories adapted from the work of Edgar Allen Poe. A man and his daughter are reunited, but the blame for the death of his wife hangs over them, unresolved. A derelict challenges the local wine-tasting champion to a competition, but finds the man’s attention to his wife worthy of more dramatic action. A man dying and in great pain agrees to be hypnotised at the moment of death, with unexpected consequences.

Plot: (Theater of Blood)
A Shakespearean actor takes poetic revenge on the critics who denied him recognition.

Plot: (Madhouse)
Horror movie actor Paul Toombes (Vincent Price), famous for playing “Dr. Death,” suffers a nervous breakdown before going to England to do a TV series,and cast and crew members start dying the way characters did in Toombes’ old movies.

Plot: (Witchfinder General)
England is torn in civil strife as the Royalists battle the Parliamentary Party for control. This conflict distracts people from rational thought and allows unscrupulous men to gain local power by exploiting village superstitions. One of these men is Matthew Hopkins, who tours the land offering his services as a persecutor of witches. Aided by his sadistic accomplice John Stearne, he travels from city to city and wrenches confessions from “witches” in order to line his pockets and gain sexual favors. When Hopkins persecutes a priest, he incurs the wrath of Richard Marshall, who is engaged to the priest’s niece. Risking treason by leaving his military duties, Marshall relentlessly pursues the evil Hopkins and his minion Stearne.

Plot: (Dr. Phibes Rises Again)
The vengeful Doctor rises again, seeking the Scrolls of Life in an attempt to resurrect his deceased wife.

Plot: (Twice-Told Tales)
3 horror stories based on the writings of Nathaniel Hawthorne. In the 1st story titled “Dr. Heidegger’s Experiment”, Heidegger attempts to restore the youth of three elderly friends. In “Rappaccini’s Daughter”, Vincent Price plays a demented father innoculating his daughter with poison so she may never leave her garden of poisonous plants. In the final story “The House of the Seven Gables”, The Pyncheon family suffers from a hundred year old curse and while in the midst of arguing over inheritance, the Pyncheon brother kills his sister.

Opinion:
This is a pretty sweet fucking boxset. It’s only 27.99 from what I saw at Amazon, which isn’t bad considering how many movies there are. Just from copying the plot descriptions down, I’m now in the mood to watch some old horror from this age. All of the movies are shown in Wide Screen format, and a 5th bonus disc contains extra features: “Vincent Price: Renaissance Man” - Documentary “The Art of Fear” - Featurette “Working with Vincent Price” - Featurette.

Plot:
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the cemetery’those brain-eating zombies are back and hungry for more tasty mortals. A fiendish mix of outrageous humor and heart-stopping terror, The Return of the Living Dead is a veritable smorgasbord of fun (LA Herald-Examiner) filled with skin-crawling jolts, eye-popping visuals and relentless surprise! On his first day on the job at an army surplus store, poor Freddy unwittingly releases nerve gas from a secret U.S. military canister, unleashing an unbelievable terror. The gas re-animates a corps of corpses, who arise from their graves with a ravenous hunger for human brains! And luckily for those carnivorous cadavers, there is a group of partying teens nearby, just waiting to be eaten!

Opinion:
Dude, everything about this movie is fucking awesome. It’s hilarious, it’s satircal, it features running zombies for the first time, and Linnea Quigley gets completely nude and dances in a graveyard. Donny is going to have a raging hardon when he hears that this edition is coming out.

Plot:
Scientists create a resonator to stimulate the pineal gland (sixth sense), and open up a door to a parallel (and hostile) universe. Based on a story by H. P. Lovecraft.

Opinion:
I am a fan of Stuart Gordon, H.P. Lovecraft, Brian Yuzna, Jeffrey Combs, Ken Foree and pretty much everyone involves with this project, yet i have NEVER seen this movie! Now’s my chance i suppose! Again, another film Donny will be shitting himself over.

Plot:
A former summer camp caretaker, horribly burned from a prank gone wrong, lurks around an upstate New York summer camp bent on killing the teenagers responsible for his disfigurement.

Opinion:
Well Donny, I hope you didn’t wipe, because you’re about to shit yourself again. This is one of Donny’s favorite slasher films. He always fucking yapped on about it until i finally watched it. I wasn’t extremely impressed by it, so Donny hit me over the head with a tire iron until i said it was amazing. If you believe in that kind of passion, you’ll probably love this early 80s slasher film. (If anything, i DO give its killer props for attacking groups of people at once in the fucking daylight.) Dude’s got balls.

Plot:
Five men heist the Camp Pendleton payroll and kidnap a pilot and his daughter, who are forced to fly them to Mexico. Enroute a double cross has one of the thieves parachute with the loot into an abandoned graveyard surrounded by strange scarecrows. The rest of the team jump after their loot and their former partner. Everything happens during the course of one very dark night.

Opinion:
If you think Donny shitting himself was bad, you do not want to know what just happened to me. “Scarecrows” is one of my favorite fucking horror movies EVER MADE. I can’t believe it’s FINALLY getting an overdue DVD release! This movie is so fucking amazing. The scarecrows look awesome, the violence/gore is great, and this film has the most effective/painful-to-watch-but-totally-fucking-kickass face stabbing scene ever. Just fucking buy this, dude. This movie is right under “Night of the Demons” for me.

Plot:
A hip hop horror anthology of three tales of terror told by the Hound of Hell (Snoop Dogg) that revolve around the residents of an inner-city neighborhood whose actions determine where they will go in the afterlife.

Opinion:
Read our review HERE!

Tuesday, September 18th, 2007

Plot:
Six friends dig up a corpse named Orville. They use it in a satanic ritual to make the dead rise from their graves.

Opinion
I’ve heard so much about this cult classic and have still never seen it! I’m a huge Bob Clark fan, (Rest In Piece, buddy), and I unfortunately had miss the screening of this DVD at Texas Frightmare to cover another event, so I’ll look forward to seeing this.

Plot:
Twelve years ago two incidents occurred which bore no similarity until now. After returning from their Florida vacation, the Kendal family decided their pet baby alligator was too much of a nuisance and flushed him down the toilet. At the same time, Slade Laboratories was conducting secret hormonal experiments with dogs and the dead dogs were disposed of in the city sewer. The baby alligator fed on the dead dogs… and after twelve years its body chemistry took on grotesque mutations. When several brutal murders are discovered, David Madison is put on the case to find the so-called Jack-the-Ripper killer. But this is no human psychopath - it is a ravaging animal-turned-monster bent on destroying everything in its wake.

Opinion:
A vengeful alligator? Sure, why not!

Plot:
A deranged stuntman stalks his victims from the safety of his killer car, but when he picks on the wrong group of badass babes, all bets are off in an adrenaline-pumping, high speed, white-knuckle automotive duel of epic proportions, where anything can happen.

Opinion:
Tarantino’s 70s exploitation throwback to last year’s sleeper hit, Grindhouse. Personally, I dug it. Kurt Russell is so great in this role that it’s mind numbing. Also, tons of sexy chicks. The end.

Plot:
Out on a dead calm ocean, in a thick fog, a group of tourists on a pleasure craft are about to cross paths with an ancient and terrible evil. Sharing the same ocean, a sick, dying old Greek man drifts alone on a stricken yacht. The Greek (John Rhys-Davies) has been cheating death for countless years. Trading broken bodies for new ones over centuries. With him he carries a deadly weapon that allows him to do this. This weapon, the Shifting Blade, gives its possessor an awesome power. But now is the time of reckoning. The Ferryman, the ancient conveyor of death and the path to the afterlife is close and he wants the Greek. There is a payment to be made.

Opinion:
This movie surprised me VERY much. I only was interested in it because Kerry Fox had a starring role. However, this movie turned out to be extremely brutal and engaging at the same time. Check back before its release for our review.

Plot:
Annika, a medical doctor and her 17-year old daughter Saga have just moved to a small cold town far up north, as Annika is going to work at the hospital there. At her new school Saga meets a bizarre goth-girl named Vega who knows more about this sleepy town that she lets on. Fear strikes, and daylight is a lifetime away.

Plot:
It’s a hundred years later, and the vampire Rayne has arrived in the town of Deliverance, Montana where a group of vampire cowboys have emerged. Led by Billy the Kid, hell bent on creating his own kingdom, he slaughters townspeople and rounds up children. He spares the life of Chicago Chronicle reporter Newton Pyles. Rayne aligns herself with Pat Garret, a member of the long-thought dead Brimstone society, a dishonest preacher, and a low life named Franson, to stop Billy the Kid and show the world how the West was really won.

Opinion:
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

Plot:
In this early action classic that features his unique blend of thrills and offbeat humor, Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as Col. John Matrix, ultimate soldier and one-man army. Matrix, the former leader of a special commando strike force that always got the toughest jobs done, is forced back into action when his young daughter (Alyssa Milano) is kidnapped. To find her, Matrix has to fight his way through an array of punks, killers, one of his former commandos, and a fully equipped private army. With the help of a feisty stewardess (Rae Dawn Chong) and an old friend, Matrix has only a few hours to overcome his greatest challenge: finding his daughter before she’s killed.

Opinion:
“Ruhmembuh’ when aye said aye’d keel yoo last, Sully? Aye lied.”

Plot & Opinion:

Bloody. Fucking. Genius.

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007

Plot:
In rural Maine, Vic and Donna Trenton (Hugh-Kelly and Dee Wallace) struggle to repair their crumbling marriage, while their young son Tad (Danny Pintauro) befriends a hulking, lovable, 200-pound St. Bernard named Cujo. With Vic away on business, Donna and Tad take their decrepit car to be fixed at the remote farm of their mechanic (Lauter). As their aging Pinto sputters to a stop and dies, Cujo appears. But the once docile dog has undergone a hideous transformation - and becomes a slavering, demonic, killer possessed by almost supernatural strength…and unholy cunning. Critically acclaimed, CUJO is a fearsome, spine-chilling tour de force from the most popular name in horror!

Opinion:
With sweet cover art and more, I can’t wait to see this classic again.

Plot:
A lonely waitress with a tragic past, Agnes (Judd) rooms in a run-down motel, living in fear of her abusive, recently paroled ex-husband (Connick Jr.). But when Agnes begins a tentative romance with Peter (Shannon), an eccentric, nervous drifter, she starts to feel hopeful again - until the first bugs arrive.

Opinion:
I really enjoyed this movie a lot. From the director of The Exorcist, it’s a surprisingly taut psychological thriller that has some pretty chilling scenes. It’s also a great character study of loneliness and connection.

Plot:
Edward Carnby (Christian Slater) is a private investigator specializing in unexplainable supernatural phenomena. His cases delve into the dark corners of the world, searching for truth in the occult remnants of ancient civilizations. Now, the greatest mystery of his past is about to become the most dangerous case he has ever faced. With the help of his ex-girlfriend, archaeologist Aline Cedrac (Tara Reid), and his bitter rival, government agent Richard Burke (Stephen Dorff), Edward is about to learn that just because you don’t believe in something doesn’t mean it cannot kill you!

Opinion:
Does this movie really need a second release?

Plot:
This highly influential cult classic from writer-director Jack Hill (Switchblade Sisters, Foxy Brown) tells the demented and darkly comic tale of the Merrye children — Elizabeth (Beverly Washburn), Virginia (Jill Banner) and Ralph (Sid Haig)– all of whom suffer from a rare genetic malady that causes its victims to mentally regress to a condition of “pre-human savagery and cannibalism.”

The children live in the old family mansion, and though under the cautious guardianship of chauffeur Bruno (Lon Chaney Jr.), they manage to terrorize anyone or anything which passes through the gates. So when the family is visited by a pair of distant relatives and their greedy lawyer, a wild night of murderous thrills ensues.

Dark Sky Films proudly presents the Director’s Cut of Spider Baby, transferred and restored in High Definition from the original 35mm negative under the personal supervision of Jack Hill and featuring previously lost footage, rounded out with never-before-seen featurettes created.

Opinion:
I never saw this one, but I can’t wait, to be honest.

Plot:
The Terrifying First Chapter of DARIO ARGENTO’S “Three Mothers” Trilogy… Uncut, Uncensored and Remastered from the Original Negative!

Jessica Harper (PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE) stars as Suzy Banyon, a young American ballet dancer who arrives at a prestigious European dance academy run by the mysterious Madame Blanc (Joan Bennett of DARK SHADOWS) and Miss Tanner (Alida Valli of KILLER NUN). But when a series of bizarre incidents and horrific crimes (including what Entertainment Weekly calls “the most vicious murder scene ever filmed”) turn the school into a waking nightmare of the damned, Suzy must escape the academy’s unspeakable secret of supernatural evil.

Experience the most shocking and hallucinatory horror movie in history as you’ve never seen or heard it before, now featuring the fully remastered landmark score by Goblin and a heart-stopping new film transfer supervised by cinematographer Luciano Tovoli. This is the definitive version of Dario Argento’s SUSPIRIA, an aria of terror beyond imagination and one of the most extraordinary horror films ever made.

Opinion:
Giallo doesn’t get any better than this. I never bought this one, so now seems like a good time for me to up my Italian Horror collection some.

Plot:
DARIO ARGENTO’S Masterpiece Of Terror - For The First Time Uncut And Uncensored!

When beautiful police detective Anna Manni follows the bloody trail of a sophisticated serial murderer/rapist through the streets of Italy, the young woman falls victim to the bizarre “Stendhal Syndrome” - a hallucinatory phenomenon which causes her to lose her mind and memory in the presence of powerful works of art. Trapped in this twilight realm, Anna plunges deeper and deeper into sexual psychosis, until she comes to know the killer’s madness more intimately than she ever imagined.

Horror maestro Dario Argento (SUSPIRIA, OPERA) reaches new heights of florid fantasy and Grand Guignol with this warped work of art starring Maxim Magazine’s “Sexiest Woman in the World” Asia Argento (LAND OF THE DEAD, XXX), Thomas Kretschmann (KING KONG, BLADE II) and Marco Leonardi (FROM DUSK TILL DAWN 3). Previously edited outside of Italy, THE STENDHAL SYNDROME is now presented here in all its grotesque glory, remastered in High Definition under the supervision of cinematographer Giuseppe Rotunno (ALL THAT JAZZ, AMARCORD) from the original Italian 35mm interpositive, and loaded with exclusive new Extras in this 2-Disc Special Edition.

Opinion:
2 Argentos for the price of one. And one is really sexy. (I’m lookin’ at you Dario!!)

Plot:
A group of tenants and visitors are trapped in a 10-story high-rise apartment building infested with demons who proceed to hunt the dwindling humans down.

Opinion:
I’ve had this on VHS since I was a kid. It’s cheesy fun, but not one of the best Italian horrors out there.

Plot:
The teenagers from St. Rita’s Academy think it would be killer to party at a haunted house - and they’re right! Bad girl Shirley and her boyfriend have some special party games planned, but when Angela, the Hostess from Hell, unleashes her own brand of trick-or-treat, teen lust quickly turns to sheer terror. When the kids escape to a church dance, they think they’ve got it made, but the real battle is just beginning. Because Angela is summoning her army of teen demons for a blood-curdling contest between the priests and the Princess of Darkness in this supernatural extravaganza of eye-popping effects and head-turning horror.

Opinion:
About fucking time!!! The sequel to my favorite horror film of all time, Night of the Demons, is getting the DVD treatment. This sequel rocks so much dick, it’s amazing. I can’t even put it into words. Here, read our review instead. MOUSEEEE!

This DVD Anthology contains the following movies:

1. Deadly Friend (Wes Craven)
2. Dr. Giggles
3. Eyes of a Stranger
4. From Beyond the Grave
5. The Hand (Oliver Stone)
6. Someone’s Watching Me (John Carpenter)

Well, folks, that’s all for now. (I’ve been working on this list for like, four hours, so give me break.) But if we come across any other films worth mentioning, we’ll let you know!

Happy Hunting!

Ape TV

This retooling of the Planet of the Apes movie franchise was a short lived one season series from 1974 & 1975. It has a hodge podge of the original characters, Dr. Zaius and Roddy MacDowell returning to play a different character, Galen. Even though Dr. Zaius was from the original movie taking place in what was once New York, this time around they are in the San Francisco/Oakland/Berkley area, BART and all. The humans all speak, and they occupy menial roles as slaves to the oppressive ape society.

Two astronauts, Pete Burke (James Naughton) and Alan Virdon (Ron Harper) go through a time warp, crash land in apeville, and are caught eventually by General Urko (Mark Lenard who played Sarek, Spock’s father in Star Trek) and Dr. Zaius (Booth Colman). In the process they befriend an inquisitive chimpanzee Galen; he decides to help the humans, and does so at the risk of his own life. The series follows the two astronauts and Galen as they barely evade their ape nemeses around every turn, as they try to figure out a way to get them back to their original time.

Most of the series is just pain old nostalgic fun with a bit of repetition on the first two discs, but as the season heads forward on disc three, a few episodes stand out. The writers gave the apes a more vicious attitude towards the humans, and they finally get back to basics with some violence, over the top oppression, and our favorite: experimentation on their human subjects. I enjoyed The Horse Race and The Interrogation the most, because they had those qualities previously mentioned, and that is the basic essence of the film franchise. None of the episodes have the dark qualities that made the original movie so great, but the series was partially marketed towards kids (the majority of the toys by Mego and Addar came out in 1974 to coincide with the TV show). Supposedly, Rod Serling of Twilight Zone fame (also writer for the 1968 film) wrote the treatment for the series, and thus provided the mood it followed. The make-up works well on the main characters, but it looks like they might have skimped on some of the apes that only appeared in a single episode; either that, or the main ape characters were just more used to acting with the ape masks.

My first exposure to the Planet of the Apes phenomenon was the TV series when I was in the second grade. At school we would use the dome shaped jungle gym as our human cage, while other kids would pretend to be apes and taunt us from the outside, much like the entire POTA franchise ‘ it was a blast. I think the last Halloween costume I used, involved a complex POTA mask that was attached to my face with that spirit gum stuff. I looked great, but unfortunately I was one of the only people to dress up to the get together I went to, and I looked like a total dork. So, yes ‘ I love anything POTA, and tend to be forgiving of the whole beating a dead horse thing.

DVD Features:
Nothing much, other than a good restored transfer, and one unaired episode.

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